4 FOR THE WEEKEND
where every day is the 4th of July! (Which makes scheduling very difficult…)
So let’s get to it, starting with…..
Eat It, Limey!
Yes, we’re going to devote this entire 4FTW (that’s how us insiders refer to this here enewsletter) to the 4th of July and insulting our dentally-challenged British friends.
You may be saying to yourself, “isn’t this kinda lazy?”
To which we would reply, “Sod off, swampy!”
At which point we would likely get into fisticuffs and ruin everything. So let’s just play along, shall we?
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“Our Teeth Are Better Than Yours!”
It’s a little-known fact that the Revolutionary War was NOT triggered by all the things we blather about this time of year.
It wasn’t:
taxation without representation
liberty over oppression
the size of John Hancock’s signature
No, it was about Great Britain’s appalling dentistry.
Proof? America’s greatest General and greatest President, George Washington, had wooden teeth.
QED.
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“Is That A Crumpet,
Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?”
For the love of God, what is a crumpet?
We mean, seriously, what the hell is it?
It sounds like the thing you scream when you accidentally slice open your finger while cutting your 100% USDA-approved Porterhouse steak during the typical American breakfast of steak, eggs, hashbrowns, biscuits and gravy, ham, more steak, pancakes, steak and Bloody Mary’s.
We in America ain’t got no time for crumpets, homey.
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And Finally…
We must remember our allies during the war, the French.
Or, the Frogs.
Or, the cheese-eating surrender-monkeys.
Whatever the label, we should show our appreciation to our hygiene-challenged brethren in France for showing up after the war was won to celebrate with us.
But they are great at insults. https://youtu.be/QSo0duY7-9s
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It looks like a great weekend weatherwise. With the exception of possible isolated thunderstorms Friday and Saturday afternoon, the forecast looks to be sunny and warm (high 90). As ever, plan accordingly.
If, for whatever reason, none of our fabulous four events doesn’t pop your cork, we’ll be very insulted. However, all hope is not lost. Simply go to www.foxvalleymagazine.com and check out our A+E and Events sections for other ideas.
Finally, please do us a favor. We would be eternally grateful if you could share this with some of your unsuspecting family, friends and neighbors. We’d also appreciate some love on our Facebook page (see below). Ok, technically it’s a “LIKE,” but don’t be pedantic. Also, that’s actually two favors. We’ll owe you.
Thanks for reading. Until next time…OH! One more thing. If you’re reading this via the website and would like to have this emailed to you bright and early every Friday morning, please SUBSCRIBE!
